What Is My Attachment Style and Why Does it Matter? Anxious Attachment Relationships
Understanding Attachment Styles in Relationships—What Does Anxious Attachment Relationships Look Like
You may have heard the term “attachment style” or “anxious attachment relationships” and wondering what it has to do with your partner and your relationship. In fact, understanding your attachment style can help you explain how you connect with your partner, how you handle conflict, and why you may feel secure—or insecure— in love. Keep reading to learn more about what causes anxious attachments and what anxious attachment relationships look like.
Attachment styles are developed in early childhood based on your relationship and interactions with your primary caregiver(s). As an adult, your attachment style describes how you feel and behave in your closest relationships, usually with a romantic partner. Anxious attachment relationships can lead to feeling very insecure, not trusting yourself or your partner, or just feel small.
Secure vs. Insecure (Anxious) Attachment Styles
If your primary caregiver was consistently attentive and attuned to your emotional and physical needs, you likely developed a secure attachment style. This means you felt safe and confident in that relationship, and as an adult, you’re able to trust, communicate, and connect deeply with your partner.
If your caregiver was inconsistent, unpredictable, or unavailable, you may have developed anxious attachment style signs such as:
Fear of abandonment
Seeking constant reassurance in relationships
Feeling insecure if your partner pulls away
Difficulty trusting your partner’s commitment
These behaviors often carry into adulthood, creating what is called an anxious attachment relationship.
On the other hand, if you caregiver was overbeating or dismissive, you may have learned to distance yourself emotionally. This can lead to an avoidant attachment style where you struggle with closeness, have difficulty expressing your needs, and avoid emotional vulnerability.
Some people fluctuate between anxious and avoidant patterns, experiencing emotional highs and lows in their relationships. This is known as anxious-avoidant attachment and often leads to conflict and instability.
Why Does an Anxious Attachment Relationship Matter?
Recognizing anxious attachment style signs is the first step toward creating healthier connections. Without awareness, an anxious attachment relationship can lead to relationship struggles, jealousy, overthinking, or difficulty feeling secure.
But, the good news is that change is possible. With the right tools and support, you can shift from insecurity to security in your relationships and start to shake those anxious attachment style signs.
Anxious Attachment Treatment: Can You Become More Secure?
If you identify with an anxious attachment relationship, you might wonder: Can I change? This answer is yes. With intentional effort, it is possible to move toward a more secure attachment and shake those anxious attachment style signs. Some of the most effective forms of anxious attachment treatment include:
Individual therapy to explore childhood experiences and build new patterns of trust
Couples therapy to practice healthy communication and emotional regulation
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to work past childhood trauma leading to anxious attachment relationships
Self-awareness practices like journaling and mindfulness to manage anxious thoughts and anxious attachment style signs
Healthy relationships are a balance of intimacy and independent, built on trust, communication, and commitment. Therapy and self-work can help you increase emotional awareness, build self-confidence, and let go of limiting beliefs.
Taking the Next Steps Toward Security
You don’t have to stay stuck in old patterns. Whether you’re struggling with anxious attachment style signs in relationships, or simply want to understand yourself better, there are proven ways to grow. Investing in your emotional health can transform not only your romantic relationship, but also your entire sense of self-worth.
Want to learn more or need support with your anxious attachment relationship? Schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation today and start your journey toward a more secure relationship.
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