You have been waiting for the day that you can finally take a pregnancy test. You count down the two minutes to wait before looking at the test and are relieved to see it is finally positive. You are thrilled and cannot wait to experience pregnancy and have a little tiny human in your arms in just 9 months.

Or, maybe you are dreading taking that test and, when it turns positive, you are not sure how to handle it. You weren’t ready for a baby and this moment is not how you imagined it.

In either case, both individuals and their partners are at risk for the same pregnancy and postpartum mental health complications. And the best part? We often do not talk about them. This leaves individuals feeling alone, crazy, and without guidance about how to get help. The entire pregnancy journey is supposed to be something filled with joy and happiness, but what about the moments that aren’t?

The most common thing birth givers say is “I filled out that screener at the OB and no one ever talked to me about it, so I assume I don’t have any postpartum mental health concerns”, or worse “I lied when asked about it because I didn’t want anyone to know how much I am struggling”.

But, do you want to know something? It is okay to struggle. It is normal to struggle. Pregnancy and postpartum mental health concerns are normal, they happen, it is not your fault.

At some point, as a society, we collectively decided that having a baby should be easy. It should be all about the new clothes, seeing the cute little tiny human your friend just had, and that everyone at home should just know how to adjust based on instinct. Or something similar to that. We don’t think about pregnancy and postpartum mental health.

What is easy about inviting a brand-new human into your home? A human that grew inside you for nine long months and probably made you feel a huge range of emotions during pregnancy. A human that is learning how to be an independent being, which is super hard. Every single human that brings a new baby home struggles, at least a little bit. It is a huge transition and one that you can only do so much to prepare for.

So, why don’t we talk about it pregnancy and postpartum mental health? Why don’t we talk about things like postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety?

First, lack of education. Many individuals, providers included, are not educated on the mental health complications of pregnancy and postpartum, even though it is the number one obstetric complication.

Second, parents feel like this should all come naturally and be fine and, when it doesn’t, they feel like they are failing. It is so hard to tell someone else about the ways in which you feel like you are failing, so often we just don’t.

Third, lack of check in and follow up care. Most birth givers following birth have one appointment with their provider 6 weeks following birth and that is it. An overwhelming amount of providers do not screen for mental health concerns because they do not know what to do if someone screens positive. Most friends and family want to swarm the new baby to meet and see them and most do not even ask how the parents are, if they are even ready for visitors, or if they actually need anything.